Hi All! I have to be honest…
Friday was not a good day. I woke up with the worst depressive symptoms I have had in a long time. I had this feeling of utter hopelessness and lack of energy to even move. To even get my cat Snowball off of me took a massive effort. Everything felt so pontless.
In short, it sucked.
My life sucked, my job sucked, my relationships suck….even the very blog you are reading right now felt like a massive failure even though I know it isn’t. Anyways, I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed and ready to go, and drove to work in a daze with Sirius XM’s Symphony Hall in the background. Classical music is my usual go-to therapy, and that wasn’t helping. At all. I am shocked I didn’t miss my exit on Rt. 83.
Once at work and at my desk I took a look at my work load. I am an IT nerd by trade so I fix computers/send and receive equipment/educate users for the contracting firm I work for. I dove into my ticket work load and knocked out a few easy ones. Great, I thought. I am making progress. I chatted with a few folks and worked thru the morning, trying to make my feelings inconspicuous as possible. As anyone with depression can tell you, trying to act like you aren’t depressed when you want to curl up into the fetal position for a few hours is not a fun task. It saps the energy right out of you and makes you think you are sticking out like a sore thumb. If you are like me and you have depression as well as anxiety, this makes for a unique cocktail of emotions and feelings. By lunchtime I felt physically ill from all the stress of the day. I wanted to throw up but couldn’t.
Over lunch, something amazing happened. One of my teammates here at the Behold Project mentioned to me that Fredricksburg, Texas has an event called “The Texas Testicle festival.” You can look it up if you are curious. Normally I attempt to hold some semblance of maturity, but all that was abandoned in the face of deep fried bull balls. I proceeded to trade sophmoric jokes and silly GIF animations for the remainder of my lunch hour. It was glorious in its simplicity. I felt much better afterwards.
My day sucked alot less.
I finished my day with a smile on my face and a song in my heart, absurd as it all was. As I finished up my day I noticed I did actually get alot done and I was out relatively on time. On the way home I picked up dinner for my lovely wife, which always makes me happy. As we ate I told her how my day was and how it started. She is the smartest woman I know, which is one of the reasons I married her. She said to me “Brian, sounds like you need to remember what’s important and how blessed you truly are.”
Well said, Honey. Well said indeed.